Before I became a parent, I thought I knew everything about parenting. I was an expert. I could sit in a restaurant and critique the parents at the table across the room whose child was having a meltdown. I could see what they were doing was totally incorrect. I mean it had to be wrong. Why else would their child still be having the meltdown five minutes later if they were parenting correctly? Right? I could sit there and say to myself what they SHOULD be doing. I could say to myself how differently I would handle it because I was an expert after all. You see, in order to become a teacher like I used to be, I had to study child development. So who better to know how to handle a child, right? Someone who studied early childhood development, right? That was my theory until I had kids of my own.
I thought I was an expert at parenting until I had my own kids. Holy crap. Not even close to being an expert. As a matter of fact, I would have to say that no matter how many days I parent, I never have been nor ever will be an expert. Like everything else in life, it is an ongoing learning process. And, with each day I certainly learn what works and what doesn’t work with my children. It is a learning curve figuring it all out and what works for one of my kids does not necessarily work for the other. No matter what method or idea I try, I have learned a critical element: The follow through is the most crucial part when it comes to disciplining a child.
Not only is the follow through the most crucial part of disciplining a child, it is the most difficult part as well. As a matter of fact, I hate the follow through. Why? Usually it’s because in the heat of the moment, I may say a threat that I don’t really want to follow through with, but then, lo and behold, I have to. Why as parents do we do this? Sometimes I want to kick myself after the threat comes flying out of my mouth. It’s like a cartoon balloon. The words just hang there and I wish I could erase them or pop the balloon to negate the forthcoming action. And, if you don’t follow through, then the consequence for you as the parent is worse. You’ve just lost all credibility with your child and there ain’t no coming back from that.
That is why I love time out so much. I use time out more often times to prevent me from saying a threat I may regret two seconds later. Using my childhood development background I try to give my children choices before going to the threats, but that doesn’t always work. So, if I have to threaten with taking a privilege away, then I like to send them to time out first so I can think through what I really want to say. I want to be sure it is something I can and will follow through with. For me, time out is a break for me more so than a punishment for my child. And, nine times out of ten when I follow this process, I don’t regret what I’ve said and I am able to really follow through with it.
I look back at how naive I was. When I was a teacher, unmarried with no children, I thought I knew it all. I think when we don’t have children of our own, we really do believe we are experts. We really think we will be better parents than those around us. But then, when you are a parent, you realize you don’t know half of what you thought you did. Being a parent humbles you tremendously. It makes you realize how far from being an expert you truly are. And, although no one will ever be a perfect parent, each day gives us another chance to practice to become a better parent than we were the day before.
Tags: FSU Seminoles Maternity Shirt, UF Gators Maternity Shirt, USF Bulls Maternity Shirt
